Best Plumber Jokes

If there’s one job that’s the butt of all jokes, it’s plumbing.  I hope you don’t mind if we crack a few here.  This post is dedicated to the best plumber jokes we could muster up.  I always wanted to be a stand up comedian but it’s probably just a pipe dream…

• Did you hear the toilet joke making headlines?  Nevermind, it’s too dirty.
• The Toilet Robber stole all of the toilets in local police station.  The cops are looking for suspects but have nothing to go on.
• Three men die and go to heaven, and God’s sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Steve first.“Steve, what do you believe in?”

  Steve replies, “Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil – I have spent too much of my life enabling that disregard for the environment and have recently recognized we need to save the world from greenhouse gases or everyone on Earth will die.” God thinks for a second and says “You must be a mechanic.  Okay, you have a good heart, I can live with that.  Come and sit at my left.”

  God then addresses Jimmy. “Jimmy, what do you believe in?”

  Jimmy replies, “Well, I believe in giving power to the people. Everyone on Earth should be able to harness electricity and to make all things better for their own lives.” God thinks for a second and says “Ahh, an electrician – you have saved lives with your good work on Earth by helping people stay warm and comfortable. Come and sit at my right.”

  God then address John the plumber. “John, what do you believe in?”

  John replies, “I believe you’re in my chair.  Make sure you flush twice before you leave.”

Plumbing Dad Jokes

• I was going to be a plumber, but I just couldn’t take the plunge.
• The plumber asked the lady if she was still mad about the shoddy repaid last week.  She said, “Don’t worry, it’s water under the fridge.”
• Dad called the plumber for a faucet install…  He couldn’t get a handle on it.
• Concerned parents asked their son why he suddenly changed professions.  He said, “well, being a plumber was too much of a drain, I can understand why this is such a shock.”
• Mom discovered the dog peed on the sofa.  “Urine a lot of trouble now!!”

 

Ballad to Plumbers

Your face has not been sculpted,
In marble or in bronze,
You know that men receive no praise,
Unclogging plugged up johns.

You’re never in the columns,
You’re never in the news,
The only thing you’re ever in is
Nasty, smelly ooze

You’ll never be President,
And influence the world with power.
Who cares when you charge a rate
of 150 bucks an hour?

Even so, you are our unsung hero,
Who would fix our crapper?
Please don’t leave us,
No one else can fix our flapper!